2025.04.08

Self-contradiction caused by true intentions and tatemae

vibration

Many people living in cities struggle with loneliness in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and live with vague uncertainties about their future. In such a situation, you may not be able to accept the kindness of others honestly at a moment's notice, and you may become suspicious. In the background, there is a unique communication culture of "honne and tatemae" that is deeply rooted in Japan society.

Article Contents

A way of life that conveys one's true feelings ~The subconscious mind knows success~

A way of life that conveys one's true feelings ~The subconscious mind knows success~

What exactly is true intention and tatemae? Why do we hide our true intentions and continue to use tatemae? And what kind of self-contradiction do we fall into by using the true intention and the tatemae differently? This paper delves into these questions and reconsiders the nature of communication in the Reiwa era.

Words with two faces: honesty and tatemae

According to Kojien, motive "Honko" (true heart, not superficial. Words that came out of. It is defined as "true feelings" that have been stripped of the pretense. There is no lie in the true feelings, and it contains the feelings and intuitions that I honestly felt at that moment. It can be said that it is an expression of raw emotions that are as pure as a newborn baby and have no filter.

one side facade is "ostensibly (superficial. policy". If the true intention is "the true feeling of removing the tatemae", then the tatemae contains a lie that is not the true intention. Since the tatemae is only a "superficial policy", there is always a policy behind it. Just as creating a front creates a back, tatemae is a superficial policy of "let's proceed this way" that is different from the true intention.

The Origin of Tatezen Culture: Lessons from Tragic Tales

There is an interesting anecdote about the origin of honne and tatemae. Once upon a time, there was a skilled ridge beam. One day, he makes a mistake that he can't fix. The length of the pillar I had cut was not enough. Bitter about his own failures, he prepares to die. Knowing this, his wife recommended alcohol to her husband and put him to sleep, and without sleeping, she came up with a clever idea. That was the method of repairing the missing part of the pillar using a shack.

The next morning, when he awoke up, he used the sash that his wife had offered him to make up for the missing part of the pillar and managed to get it out of the way. However, fearing that his shame will come to light, he kills his wife. After that, it is said that he regretted the mistake he had made and vowed to mourn his wife for the rest of his life, and that he made an offering by decorating the seven utensils of a woman (lipstick, mirror, comb, kanzashi, washiroi, kogai, and wig) on the wing.

This story suggests that the appearance and meanness of a man who killed his wife because he was so obsessed with "tatemae" and the sadness of a woman who responded with "true feelings" became the origin of the word "honne and tatemae". It is an indescribable story in which Tatemae destroys his true intentions.

The structure of duplicity and the psychological mechanism that hides true intentions

As this story shows, we use our true intentions and tatemae in various situations in our daily lives. While trying to keep the superficial story well, I want the other person to understand my true intentions. This is the structure of duplicity between true intentions and tatemae.

For example, at a drinking party, "It's early tomorrow morning, isn't it okay if I don't go home?" If asked, it may be an expression that hides the other person's true feelings, "Is it time to go home? It's the act of pretending to be concerned about the other person while trying to get things done the way you want. In addition, women often use the word "cute~!", but there are cases where they really think so from the heart, and there are cases where they can't find any other words, so they want to say it for the time being.

What these examples have in common is the desire to gain an advantage in relationships, that is, to be in a position that is convenient for them. Even if you really think that you are wearing clothes that do not fit, using the phrase "you look great" is an expression of your true intention to do things in your favor.

Tatemae stops prosperity, the harmful effects of communication

However, the current situation in which communication between true intentions and tatemae has become the norm may be stopping our prosperity.

In the international arena, Japan's unique diplomacy does not convey our intentions to the other country, making it difficult to build a relationship of trust. You may be able to maintain a superficial friendly relationship, but if you can't convey your true feelings, you will be forced to accept the straightforward demands of the other country, giving the impression that you are a country that is not good at negotiating.

In addition, in school education, human relations are emphasized. Since it is recommended to express oneself in a way that does not make people stand out and does not hurt people, a social structure is created in which individuality tends to be excluded. The implicit message of "stay in the box of tatemae" prevails, and the stakes that come out are hammered.

As a result, we learn to live inconspicuously, in a way that does not make waves, and before we know it, it becomes ingrained in us. If you only speak in an oblate manner, you will only be able to express yourself in a mundane way when giving a speech in front of a large number of people, and it will be difficult to gain the sympathy of the audience. You can't express your individuality, you can't convey your true feelings to others, you don't get evaluated, and you don't gain the trust of your subordinates. This is a huge loss for both individuals and organizations.

The merits and demerits of the culture and its aspect as a lubricant for society

However, there are not always negative aspects to the tatemae culture. Tatemae serves as a lubricant to avoid friction and maintain smooth human relations in social life. By avoiding direct criticism and respecting the position of others, it also has the function of protecting the vulnerable.

For example, actions such as using language that is considerate so as not to offend the feelings of others, and refraining from speaking by reading the atmosphere of the place are supported by tatemae. In addition, the use of formal words and actions in ceremonies such as ceremonial ceremonies to show respect for the deceased and related parties is also a positive aspect of tatemae culture.

Tatemae is a necessary element for maintaining social order and maintaining harmony among people. It is also important not to deny it completely, but to understand it as an aspect of Japan culture and to understand its raison d'être.

The Mechanism of Self-Contradiction, Inner Conflict and Mental Exhaustion

The distinction between true intentions and tatemae sometimes creates serious self-contradictions. By suppressing our true feelings and trying to live up to the expectations of those around us, we suffer from inner conflicts.

For example, we are lying to our hearts by saying "Yes, please!" to a job we don't really want to do, or by smiling at someone we really don't like and saying, "I'm always indebted to you." If this condition continues, self-esteem will decrease, stress and anxiety will increase, and eventually lead to mental exhaustion.

Self-contradiction not only undermines our mental health, but also negatively affects our relationships. If you hide your true feelings and only interact with them in public, you will create an emotional wall between you and the other person, and it will be difficult to build an intimate relationship. In addition, the inability to express one's true feelings may lead to misunderstanding and isolation from those around you.

Tips for Overcoming Self-Contradiction: Self-Understanding and Self-Acceptance

In order to overcome self-contradiction, it is important to first face your heart honestly. The first step is to be aware of what kind of tatemae you are using at what time and when you are using it, and to understand the emotions and desires behind it.

On top of that, it's important to embrace your emotions rather than deny or suppress them. Accepting yourself for who you are, including your weaknesses and shortcomings, can help you increase your self-esteem and maintain your mental stability.

Confiding your true feelings to someone you trust is also an effective way to overcome self-contradiction. Having someone to listen to can help you sort out your emotions and help you look at the problem from an objective perspective.

In addition, incorporating mindfulness activities such as meditation and yoga can help you develop the ability to listen to your inner voice and ride the waves of emotions.

Is Reiwa an era of true intentions? ・New trends in communication

Until now, there has been a tendency to be beaten if you try to live with your true intentions, but the trend of the times is changing. With the arrival of the Reiwa era, there are some people who are disgusted or disliked by the duplicity of honne and tatemae. I don't know what I want to say, and there is a tendency to express myself more directly.

With the spread of social media, everyone can freely express their opinions, and the reluctance to speak honestly is diminishing. In addition, as globalization progresses and opportunities to come into contact with diverse values increase, there is a growing movement to review Japan's unique communication style.

We may be at a turning point in an era in which the evaluation of those who have lived their lives in front of them is declining, and the evaluation of those who have lived their lives with their true intentions is rising.

Concrete steps to "live with your true feelings": To live more like yourself

From now on, living with your true intentions will be the key to living a more fulfilling life that is more like you. However, it is difficult to talk about everything honestly all of a sudden. Therefore, I recommend that you start practicing to live your true feelings little by little, step by step.

Practice being honest with your emotions and be aware of what you're feeling and when you feel happy, sad, or angry.
Practice choosing words for honest self-expression, and practice finding and using words that accurately express your feelings.
Practice confiding your true feelings to people you trust, such as family and friends.
Practice expressing your opinion while respecting the feelings of others, and practice honestly conveying your opinions while respecting the feelings of others.

By repeating these exercises, you will gradually become less reluctant to speak your true feelings, and you will be able to live more in your own way.

The Importance of Balance, Harmony between True Intentions and Intentions

However, unconditionally revealing one's true feelings does not always yield good results. You also need to consider the possibility of hurting the other person or worsening the relationship.

The important thing is to have the flexibility to use honne and tatemae depending on the situation. In order to honestly convey one's opinion while respecting the feelings of others, advanced communication skills are required.

Speaking honestly means freedom of self-expression, but at the same time, it also comes with consideration and responsibility for others. Maintaining a balance between true intentions and tatemae, building better human relationships, and leading a richer life can be said to be the ideal form of communication in the Reiwa era.

The Dawn of a New Way of Communication

In this paper, I have examined the origin, structure, and influence of Japan's unique communication culture of honne and tatemae, and argued that we should live with our true intentions in the future.

However, it is important not to fall into the principle of honesty supremacy, but to have the flexibility to use honest and tatemae depending on the situation, deepen self-understanding, and communicate without forgetting to be considerate of the other person.

The era of Reiwa will be the beginning of a new form of communication that aims for harmony between true intentions and tatemae, and that is more like oneself and respects others. We should be able to ride this wave of change to build richer relationships and live more fulfilling lives.

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